Impromptu Chicken Saladdd!

When late night protein pangs hit, you don't always want the leftover bowl of pathetic cold chicken legs from the night before, in fact I'd wager you never really want that. Words from a wise boss popped up in my head, "you should make chicken salad...chicken salad...". Before long I scanned over some 'healthy chicken salad recipes' and got what I needed. Thanks to our treasure trove of spices taking up two pantries, we had the selected ingredient curry powder. All that was left was a bit of Greek Yogurt, and a bird fridge isn't a bird fridge without a constant supply of that awful, I mean lovely, tasting protein source. Oh wait, I almost forgot, the recipe calls for grapes. I'm sure we have that.. wait a minute, we're out? Oh but we have grape jelly.. hold that thought. So I proceeded to de-meat the legs, a messy process, until it was all ready for the bowl, and the yogurt, and the curry powder, and the salt.. but there was a missing ingredient. I thought, grape jelly would do just the trick in the absence of real grapes, which we apparently ran out of yesterday. I took a sample of the goopy discolored substance and a tiny bit of jelly, and the rest was history. A light spreading of the purple stuff on a slice of bread and there it is.. a 1:30am instant gourmet prot snack. (Picture to come, if boss doesn't finish it first!)

Time for an epic tale of bird proportions. They had no plan, no direction, just an urgent need for toilet paper... Their flip flops and crocs took them on a trek across the mean pavement, nothing but a little change in their pocket and a little too much time on their hands. Then, the glowing blue sign, friendly but foreboding, beckoned to them. They stumbled through the automatic sliding doors of Wal-Martland (not before taking a quick detour through the dollar tree to get some survival essentials). 'Why are we here again?' they reflected, knowing full well the pressing need for a few rolls to get them through the weekend. But, being pidgins, they don't play by the rules. They do no such thing as waste good-earned money on toilet paper. In their never-ending quest of self-help, they made a few purchases with their toilet paper money, a few purchases that would shake up Gainesville that August night.

The rest of the journey was lost in a blur of aloe juice, flavored water bombs, and a very spiritual photo shoot.

The only way to end a night like this would have been to sing all their childhood songs the whole 2 mile walk home till their voices gave out. And that's just what they did.

Chicken legs with baked crispy kale, sweet potato fries, and multi-grain baguette. Drizzle the chicken with olive oil, gently caress with garlic, then add a light dusting of secret seasoning. As for the sweet potato, give them a nice bath in olive oil and place them on makeshift cookie sheet. Do the same with the kale. Oh look, the bread nudged its way in there too.

A Glossary of Terms

We have made up a lot of words over the years and we incorporate them into our daily conversations. We've become so fluid at it that we often forget not many other people understand us. With that in mind we've compiled a list of us-isms we often use and their definition, for your convenience.

Enjoy.

Japanese Pidgin (n): Japanese pidgin is a religious sect founded mere months after our first meeting. We met as Linguistics majors in our Japanese class. The Pidgin is a play on the word "pidgin" as in a pidgin language and pigeon, the birds. We ofter refer to ourselves as birds/bird boss/ bird mum etc. The Japanese came, of course, from us   taking Japanese. We often mixed English and Japanese together and made our own "Japanese Pidgin" language.

Proatmeal (n): Originally a term to describe oatmeal made with the traditional use of milk or water but with a protein powder additive for maximum sitch effect (see Sitch). This concept however evolved into a mush-like substance with unlimited amount and type of protein source, and later, fiber source. Examples include, but are not limited to, peanut butter, yogurt, fiber one, weetabix, cinnamon, psyllium husk powder, soy milk, and in extreme cases, sausage and other savory ingredients.

Shawts (also shawtz) (n): a sometimes euphemistic reference to the article of clothing commonly known in American English as shorts. The term derived from the ratchet of ratchetest hip hop songs entitled, "Booty Shawts" by the Doublemint Twins.
Example in usage: 'he was trying to get da shawts'

Sitch (n): The body (an active, well trained body).
etymology: The word has its origins in Jersey Shore. If you own a television you've probably heard of "The Situation", a sleazy character who works out a lot. We refer to our bodies as "our sitch/ the sitch" et cetera.

The sitch also has a verb form: Infinitive (to sitch) gerund/present progressive: sitching. and so on.

A Spark of Ingenuity

A story such as this requires a bit of back story. We moved into our apartment a few weeks ago and what we found was an empty living room with a giant mattress in the middle of it. Apparently the previous tenants decided to just leave it there.

For awhile the mattress was a source of entertainment for us. Late night trampoline jamborees, gymnastic training, tantric yoga, you know, what any normal person would do to an abandoned mattress.

Then we started to think, "this mattress is probably infested with herpes and it'd be best to get rid of it."

The problem of course with our apartment complex is that the dumpsters are located in the corners of the apartment complex and it's quite a trek just to take out the usual trash. We were going to have to lift a king size mattress and drag it to the dumpsters.

Ain't nobody got time for that.

Right, so first we foolishly tried moving it with brute force. We're strong birds, but not that strong. The friction between the ground and the mattress combined with the mattress's weight made the idea dragging the thing allt he way to the dumpster seem awful.

Attempt #1: Sidle out, taco style using raw strength

Taming the beast, which had a mind of its own. A bed full of std's will do that.

Almost at once..we two birds had a moment of GENIUS.

We have two bikes.

We have twine.

BADABOOM  SON.

We stabbed a few holes in the mattress and saddled up our bikes to pull it along.

Not engineering students, too brilliant for that

All harnessed up

One more jump of triumph can't hurt.. the disease exposure was not in vain

Like all good plans, it came with some uh...bumps in the road. NONETHELESS, we successfully made it to the dumpster.  NO SHAME.

A few of our neighbors were surprised by our escapade. One guy even asked us if we needed help. Of course, we didn't need it.

We're too strong for that.

The Perfect Protein Bar

After a long day of sitching, the first of many Proatmeal Wars begins. Step 1, extract all protein from pantry.

Looks like a protein bust by the Feds

The Fiber Variation

Such dexterity and swift addition of fiber

A final dusting of Cookies n Cream & cinnamon...

Achieving the perfect smoothness for her Proat-bars

Edibility was never the question..

Paula Deen is to saturated fats & sugars as Pidgin is to protein & fiber

Chicken, Creamy Tomato White Wine Sauce and Penne!

Peach and Mango dipping sauce